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"Larangan" Saat Memuji Anak
"Kita harus mengakui, anak selalu
berupaya keras mendorong diri mereka dan bekerja keras untuk mencapai tujuan," kata Paul Donahue,
PhD, penulis buku Parenting Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really
Indonesia.com - "Kita harus mengakui, anak selalu berupaya keras mendorong diri
mereka dan bekerja keras untuk mencapai tujuan," kata Paul Donahue, PhD, penulis buku
Parenting Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really
Matters. Jadi, "Satu hal yang perlu diingat adalah proses, bukan produk
Anak Anda mungkin bukan pemain basket terbaik di timnya. Namun jika Anda
melihat ia berlatih setiap hari dan berjuang untuk bisa menjadi yang terbaik, Anda harus memuji
usahanya itu, terlepas dari apakah timnya menang atau kalah.
Memuji usaha anak, bukan
hasilnya, juga bisa berarti mengakui anak telah bekerja keras. Misalnya saja saat ia
membersihkan halaman, memasak makan malam, atau menyelesaikan tugas pelajaran sejarahnya. Apa
pun skenarionya, pujian harus diberikan berdasarkan kasus per kasus dan proporsional.
Berikut ini beberapa contoh nyata dari para ahli yang menunjukkan pujian atas prestasi
* Jika anak gagal memukul bola (strike) beberapa kali selama
pertandingan (softball), tapi kemudian ia berhasil menangkap bola saat permainan
berlangsung, ia layak menerima pujian. Anda harus memuji ketahanan dan usahanya mendorong diri
untuk mampu melalui keadaan sulit.
* Jika anak tidak begitu baik dalam pelajaran
matematika, Anda bisa menyarankannya untuk terus berlatih, bukan malah memaksanya belajar
matematika sambil memarahinya setiap malam. Berikan pujian pada anak ketika ia melakukan hal
lain yang luar biasa.
* Putri Anda berhasil menaiki sepeda roda dua setelah ia
berlatih berminggu-minggu. Berikan pujian karena ia mampu bertahan dalam latihan.
Ketika anak berhasil melompat jauh saat sedang bermain, puji dia. Tapi jangan berlebihan karena
usahanya itu hanyalah sebatas untuk bersenang-senang.
Jika anak tidak melakukan upaya
khusus, jangan memujinya berlebihan atau Anda bisa tidak memujinya sama sekali. Para ahli juga
menyarankan agar para orangtua tidak memuji anak dengan memberikan uang tunai.
"Saya percaya setiap orangtua memuji adalah untuk memotivasi anaknya," kata
Donahue. "Jika Anda mengatakan kepada anak akan memberikannya uang jika ia mendapatkan
nilai A di pelajaran matematika, anak akan melakukannya atas dasar motivasi uang, bukan karena
positif ingin berhasil."
Berbeda dengan uang, Anda bisa merayakan kerja keras dan
prestasi anak dengan melakukan kegiatan yang mereka sukai. Misalnya, “Pergi makan es krim
atau atau menonton pertunjukan musik," kata Donahue.
Editor :Liwon Maulana
Seperti Apakah Wajah Manusia 100.000 Tahun Lagi?
terus berevolusi dari waktu ke waktu dan masih akan terus mengalami perubahan.
Saco-Indonesia.com - Wajah manusia terus berevolusi dari waktu ke waktu dan
masih akan terus mengalami perubahan. Kini dengan bantuan teknologi, ilmuwan mampu memprediksi
perubahan wajah manusia dalam kurun waktu hingga 100.000 tahun mendatang.
Seniman Nickolay Lamm dari MyVoucherCodes.co.uk berdiskusi dengan Alan Kwan, doktor di bidang
computational genomics dari Wshington University. Dari diskusi tersebut, Lamm berupaya membuat
ilustrasi wajah manusia dalam beberapa puluh ribu tahun mendatang.
percaya, evolusi masa depan akan lebih dikontrol oleh manusia yang berupaya beradaptasi dan
mencukupi kebutuhannya. Dengan rekayasa genetika yang semakin maju, perubahan wajah akan lebih
menyesuaikan dengan selera manusia. Dahi akan semakin lebar karena otak makin besar.
Wajah manusia akan lebih mengagumkan dari satu sudut pandang, terlihat tegas, punya
hidung yang lurus, mata yang tajam serta rasio emas antara bagian kanan dan kiri wajah sehingga
Wajah manusia 20.000 tahun lagi.
Mata manusia akan berkembang menjadi lebih besar sebagai bentuk
adaptasi karena manusia sudah mengolonisasi Tata Surya dan mulai hidup di lingkungan yang lebih
redup, lebih jauh dari Matahari.
Mata juga akan mengalami perkembangan lain.
Ada fitu "eye shine" untuk memungkinkan manusia melihat dalam lingkungan dengan
intensitas cahaya rendah. Selain itu, manusia bisa melakukan kedip samping untuk melindungi
mata dari sinar kosmik.
Sementara itu, kulit manusia akan mengalami
pigmentasi lebih iuntuk melindungi dari sinar UV. Alis akan menjadi lebih tepal dan tulang di
bawahnya akan menjadi lebih tegas sebagai efek gravitasi rendah.
hidung juga akan menjadi lebih besar agar pernafasan lebih mudah. Selain itu, rambut manusia
akan lebih lebat untuk mencegah hilangnya panas. Kosmetik pun akan berkembang. Orang tua bisa
memilih sifat anaknya.
Wajah manusia 60.000 tahun lagi.
Kwan memprediksi bahwa manusia akan berupaya tampak sealami mungkin walaupun teknologi
yang tertancap di bawah kulit akan makin berkembang.
yang berkontak langsung dengan mata dan perangkat bone-conduction yang diimplantasikan di bagian
atas telinga akan bekerja bersama," kata Kwan seperti dikutip Daily Mail, Sabtu
"Perangkat bone-conduction dengan nanocip yang terpasang akan
terhubung dengan perangkat di luar tubuh manusia untuk mendukung komunikasi dan hiburan,"
Wajah manusia 100.000 tahun lagi dengan mata
yang super besar.
Native American Actors Work to Overcome a Long-Documented Bias
Late in April, after Native American actors walked off in disgust from the set of Adam Sandler’s latest film, a western sendup that its distributor, Netflix, has defended as being equally offensive to all, a glow of pride spread through several Native American communities.
Tantoo Cardinal, a Canadian indigenous actress who played Black Shawl in “Dances With Wolves,” recalled thinking to herself, “It’s come.” Larry Sellers, who starred as Cloud Dancing in the 1990s television show “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman,” thought, “It’s about time.” Jesse Wente, who is Ojibwe and directs film programming at the TIFF Bell Lightbox in Toronto, found himself encouraged and surprised. There are so few film roles for indigenous actors, he said, that walking off the set of a major production showed real mettle.
But what didn’t surprise Mr. Wente was the content of the script. According to the actors who walked off the set, the film, titled “The Ridiculous Six,” included a Native American woman who passes out and is revived after white men douse her with alcohol, and another woman squatting to urinate while lighting a peace pipe. “There’s enough history at this point to have set some expectations around these sort of Hollywood depictions,” Mr. Wente said.
The walkout prompted a rhetorical “What do you expect from an Adam Sandler film?,” and a Netflix spokesman said that in the movie, blacks, Mexicans and whites were lampooned as well. But Native American actors and critics said a broader issue was at stake. While mainstream portrayals of native peoples have, Mr. Wente said, become “incrementally better” over the decades, he and others say, they remain far from accurate and reflect a lack of opportunities for Native American performers. What’s more, as Native Americans hunger for representation on screen, critics say the absence of three-dimensional portrayals has very real off-screen consequences.
“Our people are still healing from historical trauma,” said Loren Anthony, one of the actors who walked out. “Our youth are still trying to figure out who they are, where they fit in this society. Kids are killing themselves. They’re not proud of who they are.” They also don’t, he added, see themselves on prime time television or the big screen. Netflix noted while about five people walked off the “The Ridiculous Six” set, 100 or so Native American actors and extras stayed.
But in interviews, nearly a dozen Native American actors and film industry experts said that Mr. Sandler’s humor perpetuated decades-old negative stereotypes. Mr. Anthony said such depictions helped feed the despondency many Native Americans feel, with deadly results: Native Americans have the highest suicide rate out of all the country’s ethnicities.
The on-screen problem is twofold, Mr. Anthony and others said: There’s a paucity of roles for Native Americans — according to the Screen Actors Guild in 2008 they accounted for 0.3 percent of all on-screen parts (those figures have yet to be updated), compared to about 2 percent of the general population — and Native American actors are often perceived in a narrow way.
In his Peabody Award-winning documentary “Reel Injun,” the Cree filmmaker Neil Diamond explored Hollywood depictions of Native Americans over the years, and found they fell into a few stereotypical categories: the Noble Savage, the Drunk Indian, the Mystic, the Indian Princess, the backward tribal people futilely fighting John Wayne and manifest destiny. While the 1990 film “Dances With Wolves” won praise for depicting Native Americans as fully fleshed out human beings, not all indigenous people embraced it. It was still told, critics said, from the colonialists’ point of view. In an interview, John Trudell, a Santee Sioux writer, actor (“Thunderheart”) and the former chairman of the American Indian Movement, described the film as “a story of two white people.”
“God bless ‘Dances with Wolves,’ ” Michael Horse, who played Deputy Hawk in “Twin Peaks,” said sarcastically. “Even ‘Avatar.’ Someone’s got to come save the tribal people.”
Dan Spilo, a partner at Industry Entertainment who represents Adam Beach, one of today’s most prominent Native American actors, said while typecasting dogs many minorities, it is especially intractable when it comes to Native Americans. Casting directors, he said, rarely cast them as police officers, doctors or lawyers. “There’s the belief that the Native American character should be on reservations or riding a horse,” he said.
“We don’t see ourselves,” Mr. Horse said. “We’re still an antiquated culture to them, and to the rest of the world.”
Ms. Cardinal said she was once turned down for the role of the wife of a child-abusing cop because the filmmakers felt that casting her would somehow be “too political.”
Another sore point is the long run of white actors playing American Indians, among them Burt Lancaster, Rock Hudson, Audrey Hepburn and, more recently, Johnny Depp, whose depiction of Tonto in the 2013 film “Lone Ranger,” was viewed as racist by detractors. There are, of course, exceptions. The former A&E series “Longmire,” which, as it happens, will now be on Netflix, was roundly praised for its depiction of life on a Northern Cheyenne reservation, with Lou Diamond Phillips, who is of Cherokee descent, playing a Northern Cheyenne man.
Others also point to the success of Mr. Beach, who played a Mohawk detective in “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” and landed a starring role in the forthcoming D C Comics picture “Suicide Squad.” Mr. Beach said he had come across insulting scripts backed by people who don’t see anything wrong with them.
“I’d rather starve than do something that is offensive to my ancestral roots,” Mr. Beach said. “But I think there will always be attempts to drawn on the weakness of native people’s struggles. The savage Indian will always be the savage Indian. The white man will always be smarter and more cunning. The cavalry will always win.”
The solution, Mr. Wente, Mr. Trudell and others said, lies in getting more stories written by and starring Native Americans. But Mr. Wente noted that while independent indigenous film has blossomed in the last two decades, mainstream depictions have yet to catch up. “You have to stop expecting for Hollywood to correct it, because there seems to be no ability or desire to correct it,” Mr. Wente said.
There have been calls to boycott Netflix but, writing for Indian Country Today Media Network, which first broke news of the walk off, the filmmaker Brian Young noted that the distributor also offered a number of films by or about Native Americans.
The furor around “The Ridiculous Six” may drive more people to see it. Then one of the questions that Mr. Trudell, echoing others, had about the film will be answered: “Who the hell laughs at this stuff?”
Meet Mago, Former Heavyweight
GREENWICH, Conn. — Mago is in the bedroom. You can go in.
The big man lies on a hospital bed with his bare feet scraping its bottom rail. His head is propped on a scarlet pillow, the left temple dented, the right side paralyzed. His dark hair is kept just long enough to conceal the scars.
The occasional sounds he makes are understood only by his wife, but he still has that punctuating left hand. In slow motion, the fingers curl and close. A thumbs-up greeting.
This is Magomed Abdusalamov, 34, also known as the Russian Tyson, also known as Mago. He is a former heavyweight boxer who scored four knockouts and 14 technical knockouts in his first 18 professional fights. He preferred to stand between rounds. Sitting conveyed weakness.
But Mago lost his 19th fight, his big chance, at the packed Theater at Madison Square Garden in November 2013. His 19th decision, and his last.
Now here he is, in a small bedroom in a working-class neighborhood in Greenwich, in a modest house his family rents cheap from a devoted friend. The air-pressure machine for his mattress hums like an expectant crowd.
Today is like any other day, except for those days when he is hurried in crisis to the hospital. Every three hours during the night, his slight wife, Bakanay, 28, has risen to turn his 6-foot-3 body — 210 pounds of dead weight. It has to be done. Infections of the gaping bedsore above his tailbone have nearly killed him.
Then, with the help of a young caretaker, Baka has gotten two of their daughters off to elementary school and settled down the toddler. Yes, Mago and Baka are blessed with all girls, but they had also hoped for a son someday.
They feed Mago as they clean him; it’s easier that way. For breakfast, which comes with a side of crushed antiseizure pills, he likes oatmeal with a squirt of Hershey’s chocolate syrup. But even oatmeal must be puréed and fed to him by spoon.
He opens his mouth to indicate more, the way a baby does. But his paralysis has made everything a choking hazard. His water needs a stirring of powdered food thickener, and still he chokes — eh-eh-eh — as he tries to cough up what will not go down.
Mago used to drink only water. No alcohol. Not even soda. A sip of juice would be as far as he dared. Now even water betrays him.
With the caretaker’s help, Baka uses a washcloth and soap to clean his body and shampoo his hair. How handsome still, she has thought. Sometimes, in the night, she leaves the bedroom to watch old videos, just to hear again his voice in the fullness of life. She cries, wipes her eyes and returns, feigning happiness. Mago must never see her sad.
When Baka finishes, Mago is cleanshaven and fresh down to his trimmed and filed toenails. “I want him to look good,” she says.
Theirs was an arranged Muslim marriage in Makhachkala, in the Russian republic of Dagestan. He was 23, she was 18 and their future hinged on boxing. Sometimes they would shadowbox in love, her David to his Goliath. You are so strong, he would tell her.
His father once told him he could either be a bandit or an athlete, but if he chose banditry, “I will kill you.” This paternal advice, Mago later told The Ventura County Reporter, “made it a very easy decision for me.”
Mago won against mediocre competition, in Moscow and Hollywood, Fla., in Las Vegas and Johnstown, Pa. He was knocked down only once, and even then, it surprised more than hurt. He scored a technical knockout in the next round.
It all led up to this: the undercard at the Garden, Mike Perez vs. Magomed Abdusalamov, 10 rounds, on HBO. A win, he believed, would improve his chances of taking on the heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko, who sat in the crowd of 4,600 with his fiancée, the actress Hayden Panettiere, watching.
Wearing black-and-red trunks and a green mouth guard, Mago went to work. But in the first round, a hard forearm to his left cheek rocked him. At the bell, he returned to his corner, and this time, he sat down. “I think it’s broken,” he repeatedly said in Russian.
Maybe at that point, somebody — the referee, the ringside doctors, his handlers — should have stopped the fight, under a guiding principle: better one punch too early than one punch too late. But the bloody trade of blows continued into the seventh, eighth, ninth, a hand and orbital bone broken, his face transforming.
Meanwhile, in the family’s apartment in Miami, Baka forced herself to watch the broadcast. She could see it in his swollen eyes. Something was off.
After the final round, Perez raised his tattooed arms in victory, and Mago wandered off in a fog. He had taken 312 punches in about 40 minutes, for a purse of $40,000.
In the locker room, doctors sutured a cut above Mago’s left eye and tested his cognitive abilities. He did not do well. The ambulance that waits in expectation at every fight was not summoned by boxing officials.
Blood was pooling in Mago’s cranial cavity as he left the Garden. He vomited on the pavement while his handlers flagged a taxi to St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital. There, doctors induced a coma and removed part of his skull to drain fluids and ease the swelling.
Then came the stroke.
It is lunchtime now, and the aroma of puréed beef and potatoes lingers. So do the questions.
How will Mago and Baka pay the $2 million in medical bills they owe? What if their friend can no longer offer them this home? Will they win their lawsuits against the five ringside doctors, the referee, and a New York State boxing inspector? What about Mago’s future care?
Most of all: Is this it?
A napkin rests on Mago’s chest. As another spoonful of mush approaches, he opens his mouth, half-swallows, chokes, and coughs until it clears. Eh-eh-eh. Sometimes he turns bluish, but Baka never shows fear. Always happy for Mago.
Some days he is wheeled out for physical therapy or speech therapy. Today, two massage therapists come to knead his half-limp body like a pair of skilled corner men.
Soon, Mago will doze. Then his three daughters, ages 2, 6 and 9, will descend upon him to talk of their day. Not long ago, the oldest lugged his championship belt to school for a proud show-and-tell moment. Her classmates were amazed at the weight of it.
Then, tonight, there will be more puréed food and pulverized medication, more coughing, and more tender care from his wife, before sleep comes.
He half-smiles, raises his one good hand, and forms a fist.